Dear Chris,
please let me take this opportunity to appraise you of the results of this weekends celebrated Beckhampton Blackberry Poll.
I’d like to begin with a little of the background: In his capacity as ‘Chief Meddlar’, Mr F Avenall has sewn unprecedented neighbourhood anxiety in our local health program of late through his endless talk of blackberry deficit related illnesses; the most serious of which is rumoured to be a middle ages complaint called autumn eyeburn. Autumn eyeburn arises from the strong late summer sun being consistently and inexorably reflected from sparkling white T shirts and other similar garments. Blackberry deficit results in a reduced visiting bird population and a lack of red birdshit on clothes line dried whites along the block.
Meanwhile, another local octogenerian, Mrs Smith, often referred to as Joyce, in her well acknowledged capacity as ‘Lead Encourager’ has been frequently seen dancing the dappled stones of 66’s garden. Allegedly attired in period pagan robes and matching head dress Joyce cavorts freely with ritualistic fervour (who is not of this neighborhood – possibly from Stratton which is believed to have strong Roman connections as it is really close to Ermin St) in what is believed to be the Blackberry Moon Salsa. Ancient beliefs transgressing centuries of fruit worship suggest that the starlit performed Blackberry Moon Salsa produces the most juicy, succulent blackberry fruit on worshipped bushes.
Other inputs are more discreet. The Lane household have refined an attitude of indignant disregard. Only recognisable by this summers abandonment of the race for jungle supremacy. The unchecked urban growth at the rear of 68 became a victim of midsummer festivities. This years chosen solstice activity of druid like garden clearance was nothing but a well disguised act of submittal. There was nothing flourishing in 68’s soil that would bring them anywhere near close to receiving the blocks inimitable whisper of disgrace, characterised by the hushed tones, turned back and bent head, for the most neglected garden.
So, to return to the heart of the subject, please allow me share the following with you; Amongst those that care and in complete contrast to expectations created earlier in the year there is an overwhelming vote in favour of selfishness. In addition there is no one that is willing to compete in the event that you have so excelled in.. the race for urban jungle supremacy. You have a clear and outstanding position in that field and receive the blocks ignominous accolade. Now please leave the bloody bushes alone until we have had a chance to pick the fruit from what looks like the biggest and best crop for years.
Unfortunately we were unable to capture a shot of Ritualistic Fervor and Joyce dancing but you can see bushes at the height of their supremacy.
Down The Road 